Perry at the Priory
In the summer of 2004 Pericles the Decoy Duck spent a month in The Priory to get over his worm and bird seed addiction.
This blog was originally set up to chronicle his experiences and the inevitable escape attempts.
However, it refuses to die.
The Characters
Pericles - Our Hero
Ron - a Lemming, Pericles's roommate
Bob - a discontented lizard
Dai - a Llama
Schrondinger - a Cat, Dai's roommate
Hermione - a Peking Duck
Thaisa - a Duck, Perry's sometime girlfriend
Doris - a Turkey, Matron at The Priory
Skippy - a dodgy Kangeroo
Sandi- a Great Dane
and
Ethel - a duckling who claims to be the fruit of Perry's loins
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Day 21
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I'm never going to get this boot polish off my bill, and as for my feathers - well, I shall be preening for weeks!Having decided that there was no way I was going to turn in my roommate, Ron and I spent most of yesterday evening discovering that it's a lot easier to kidnap Schrodinger's cat than it is to return it. The Priory management was taking no chances and Schrodinger has had an armed guard on his door at all times (one of those Bazooka-packin' marsupials).
We made several attempts to sneak past Skippy, including bribes of food, hiding round the corner and yelling "Help I've fallen down a mine-shaft" and dressing up as a lady wallaby and offering to polish his bazooka. All of them failed and I think Ron was getting a little too carried away in that wallaby costume.
Having determined that entry via the door was not an option, that left going in the window - which how I came to be covered in black boot polish. Ron decided that I'd have to use camouflage since my white feathers would be picked up by the spotlights that sweep over the building at night. Oddly however, he did not think that his fur would pose a similar problem.
We waited until it was dark and everyone had gone to bed before creeping up onto the roof. Ron had donned his flying helmet and goggles and I carried several dozen elastic bands knotted together to make a rope. We knew Schrodinger would probably be still awake, anxiously counting his milk bottle tops but figured the light from his window would make it easier to find at high speed.
It didn't take long to find a spot directly above Schrodinger's window. Feeling rather glad I'd paid attention in Macrame class, I lashed one end of the elastic bands to a chimney while Ron tied himself to the other end.
After I'd pointed out that tying the rope around his neck would be a bad idea (in this instance), Ron apologised explaining it was just an old lemming tradition. We re-attached the rope to his waist and were ready to go.
The plan was for Ron to do a trial leap without the Garfield toy just to make sure the coast was clear. Then he'd drop down with the cat between his teeth, flinging it through Schrodinger's window as he shot past. Failing that, he could try again on the rebound.
Once he was ready I took up the strain in the rope, Ron dropped off the roof and was quickly swallowed into the darkness. However I could clearly hear a high-pitched lemming scream drifting up through the night air. It was only when the scream was punctuated by a distinctive splat that I wondered whether we should have made the rope quite so long.
Ron reappeared seconds later looking very shaken. He wouldn't tell me what had happened but tied a very big sheepshank in the elastic to shorten it, grabbed the plush cat and shot off into the night.
I think he was successful, at least he came back without the cat. I helped disentangle him from the elastic and we slunk back to our room.
I sent Ron down to breakfast this morning to check out the gossip while I worked on scrubbing off the boot polish. He reports that Schrodinger is overjoyed to get Garfield back and isn't asking too may question about where he's been. Other than that, our night-time antics seem to have gone unremarked.
However I just overheard Doris telling one of the nurses that she'd had a pretty scary encounter last night. She was on her rounds when she heard screaming coming from somewhere overhead. She looked up and was promptly "smacked in the mouth by something warm and furry" (words I doubt she has ever used before and will never use again).
No-one knows what hit her, I'm just glad we didn't run into it ourselves. I asked Ron if he saw anything while he was jumping but he just shrugged and carried on playing with his new Alice Band.
posted at 8:38 AM
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